Wanting Book Summary
The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life
Book by Luke Burgis
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Summary
In "Wanting," Luke Burgis draws on the powerful insights of French polymath René Girard to explore how mimetic desire - our tendency to unconsciously imitate the desires of others - shapes our lives, and provides practical strategies to escape toxic rivalries, find fulfilling desires, and become authentic leaders in an age of runaway mimesis.
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Secrets Babies Keep About Humanity's Mimetic Nature
Babies are brilliant imitators from the moment they are born, capable of imitating to a degree that surpasses even adult primates. Research shows babies start developing imitative powers even before birth.
Renowned developmental psychologist Andrew Meltzoff's experiments demonstrate infants as young as 42 minutes old can mimic an adult's facial expressions with surprising accuracy. This innate power of imitation sets humans apart and allows the creation of sophisticated culture and technology. However, imitation also has a dark side, leading people to pursue unfulfilling desires.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
The Martini Is A Gateway Drug To Mimetic Desire
"Let's say that while we're bellied up to the bar sipping our drinks, my friend tells me about a promotion he's about to get. He'll receive a $20,000 boost in salary and have a new title: managing director of something or other that sounds important. It comes with more vacation time, too.
As I smile and tell him how exciting that is, I feel some anxiety. Shouldn't I be making an extra $20,000, too? Will my friend and I still be able to plan vacations together if he gets twice as much paid time off as I do? And also, what the hell? We graduated from the same university, and I worked twice as hard as he did in school and after. Am I falling behind? Did I choose the right path in life?"
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
Models That Move Markets
- In February 2020, Tesla's stock price had a parabolic rise of over 50% in just two days, capping a four-month period where the stock had nearly quadrupled. Professional analysts were baffled as the movement didn't correspond to any extraordinary news or "reality."
- However, mimetic desire explains the irrational exuberance. On the peak day, over $55 billion of Tesla stock changed hands, the most of any stock in history at the time. Google searches for "Should I buy Tesla stock?" skyrocketed.
- People were searching Google to find out if they should buy Tesla based on whether others wanted to buy it. This is mimetic desire in action. In bubbles and crashes, desires spread at lightning speed as people imitate models. Mimetic desire, not just information, moves markets.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
Three Tactics To Deal With Mimetic Desire
- Name your models: Identify who your models are at work, home, and in life. Some are easy to name, like role models you admire. Others are harder, like rivals you secretly orbit around. Naming them gives you more control.
- Find sources of wisdom that withstand mimesis: In an age of overnight experts, carefully curate knowledge sources that are less subject to mimetic trends. Look for wise sources that have stood the test of time rather than crowd-anointed gurus.
- Create boundaries with unhealthy models: Distance yourself from models that bring out unhealthy mimetic desires and rivalry in you. Unfollow them on social media, don't ask about them, and create space to starve the toxic relationship.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
Celebristan vs Freshmanistan - The Two Worlds Of Mimetic Desire
There are two kinds of models that affect our desires differently:
- People in Celebristan are models separated from us by time, space, money or status. There's little chance of directly competing with them (e.g. celebrities, the ultra-wealthy, the dead). We imitate them openly as their desires don't threaten ours.
- People in Freshmanistan are models in our immediate social world with whom we can compete directly (e.g. classmates, colleagues, neighbors). Rivalry is common as even minor differences get magnified. We have to secretly wonder at these models as openly imitating them would be embarrassing. In today's world of social media and diminished hierarchies, most of us live in Freshmanistan, vulnerable to the distortions mimetic desire causes there.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
Three Ways Mimetic Desire Distorts Reality In Freshmanistan
- The misappropriation of wonder: We exaggerate the qualities of models, gawking openly at Celebristan models but secretly amazed by Freshmanistan ones. Admiration morphs into metaphysical desire - a yearning for the model's entire way of being.
- The cult of experts: As traditional hierarchies fade in liquid modernity, we become model addicts relying on "experts" to mediate desires. Except expertise is often mimetically driven, valued because others value it.
- Reflexivity: Our perceptions change reality by altering how we act, in a self-fulfilling loop. In rivalries, each person's desires become coupled to the other's in a "two-way interaction", so neither can want something without affecting the other.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
"Protect Me From What I Want" - The Dangers Of Freshmanistan
"Freshmanistan is the world of models who mediate desire from inside our world, which is why Girard calls them internal mediators of desire. There are no barriers preventing people from competing directly with one another for the same things.
...
Friends live in Freshmanistan together... Mimetic desire is both the bond and the bane of many friendships. A common example: one friend introduces the other to baking; the desire to become a better baker is then shared by both friends, which leads them to spend more time together baking. But if the friendship becomes tinged with mimetic rivalry, it can lock them into a never-ending game of rivalrous tug-of-war that extends beyond baking to relationships, career success, fitness, and more. The same force that drew them together, mimetic desire, now pushes them apart as they try to differentiate themselves."
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
Resist The Mimetic Forces Of Freshmanistan With These Two Tactics
- Use imitation to drive innovation: There's a false dichotomy between imitation and innovation. The most creative geniuses start by imitating the right models. Identify a model to imitate as a starting point, then build something fresh on top of it rather than pursuing originality for originality's sake.
- Map out the systems of desire in your world: Identify the specific mimetic systems you operate in (e.g. your industry, school, family). What is considered more or less desirable in each one? Knowing the invisible maps of desire allows you to spot opportunities others miss by daring to look in different directions. Mark the boundaries of your current system to gain the ability to transcend it.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
The Flywheel Effect - How Cycles Of Desire Determine Our Destinies
Mimetic desire tends to build momentum in one of two self-reinforcing flywheels:
- Destructive Cycle (Cycle 1): Mimetic desire leads to rivalry and conflict. People believe there isn't room for both their desires and their rivals' to be fulfilled. A scarcity mindset and resentment take hold.
- Creative Cycle (Cycle 2): Mimetic desire unites people in a shared desire for a common good. An abundance mindset leads people to create new things together and uplift each other to greater heights. The trajectory of our lives often comes down to which cycle we get caught in. Like a flywheel that's hard to turn at first but builds unstoppable momentum over time, these cycles become self-fulfilling prophecies - for good or ill. We must be intentional about which one we feed.
Section: 1, Chapter: 3
Start Positive Flywheels Of Desire In Your Own Life
Map out a positive cycle of desire for yourself:
- Start with a core desire (e.g. better fitness, more family time, writing a book).
- Map out a self-reinforcing system that makes fulfilling the desire easier over time. Write out each step as a sentence containing "want" or "desire."
- Ensure each step links logically to the next using connectors like "which leads to..." The final step should link back to the first.
Example: (1) I want to work out, because my friend looks great. (2) That makes me want to eat better, so I don't negate my efforts. (3) So I want to turn down boozy social invites. (4) Which makes me want to go to the gym in the morning rather than nurse hangovers. (5) Which makes me want to do more productive work. Repeat.
Section: 1, Chapter: 3
Scapegoating - Humanity's Primal Response To Mimetic Crises
When societies face a mimetic crisis - a breakdown of order as people become hostile rivals - they instinctively resort to scapegoating. A person, often an outsider or eccentric, gets blamed for the disorder. The community unites against the scapegoat, projecting their anger on him.
Scapegoats are chosen by stigma, not guilt. The disabled, foreigners, eccentrics, and elites are frequent targets. The scapegoat mechanism:
- Channels all-against-all violence into all-against-one violence
- Unites people against a common enemy
- Absolves the community of responsibility
- Reconciles people...until disorder builds again
Scapegoating has been a safety valve for societies throughout history.
Section: 1, Chapter: 4
The Power Of Disruptive Empathy In A Mimetic World
In a world of rivalrous mimetic desire, empathy is disruptive. It allows us to understand others' desires without imitating or resenting them, and see people as they are, not as mimetic distortions
Practice disruptive empathy in charged situations:
- When someone accuses you, don't just react with a counterattack. Ponder what real failure or fear might be driving their accusation.
- When you feel jealous of another's success, imagine how it must feel to be in their shoes. What desires and pressures weigh on them?
- When embroiled in office politics, map out each player's desires. What do they really want? How can those desires be integrated?
Section: 1, Chapter: 4
Look For The Coexistence Of Opposites To Cut Through Ideology
Ideologies are breeding grounds for scapegoating. Based on the belief that everything is either good or bad, they blame society's ills on designated villains.
To resist ideology, look for the coincidentia oppositorum - the unexpected coexistence of opposites:
- The harsh judge who weeps hearing a defendant's story
- The award-winning artist who doubts her talents
- The grieving mother who forgives her child's murderer
Seemingly irreconcilable traits in the same person violate ideology's good/evil dichotomy. They point to a deeper humanity that resists mimetic reduction. Let the paradox shake you out of scapegoat thinking.
Section: 1, Chapter: 4
How Michelin 3-Star Chef Sébastien Bras Broke Free From A Culinary Cage Of Desire
French chef Sébastien Bras achieved the culinary world's highest honor when his restaurant Le Suquet earned 3 Michelin stars.
In 2017, Bras did the unthinkable. He asked Michelin to remove Le Suquet from their guide, forfeiting his stars. He no longer wanted the anxiety of being judged or the pressure to conform to Michelin's narrow definition of culinary excellence. By stepping outside the mimetic system of haute cuisine, Bras rediscovered his thick desire - to create and share the terroir of his native Aubrac region through food, without fear of judgment.
Bras's story shows the courage it takes to renounce a mimetic game you've mastered. But the newfound creative freedom is worth it. As his story spread, other chefs were inspired to redefine success on their own terms.
Section: 1, Chapter: 5
Goals Are The Product Of Our Mimetic Systems
"Goals are the product of our mimetic systems, not our sovereign choices. From the standpoint of desire, our goals are the product of our systems. We can't want something that is outside the system of desire we occupy.
The obsession with goal setting is misguided, even counterproductive. Setting goals isn't bad. But when the focus is on how to set goals rather than how to choose them in the first place, goals can easily turn into instruments of self-flagellation.
Most people aren't fully responsible for choosing their own goals. People pursue the goals that are on offer to them in their system of desire. Goals are often chosen for us, by models. And that means the goalposts are always moving."
Section: 1, Chapter: 5
Put Your Desires To The Test Before Chasing Them
When faced with competing desires, don't just pick one. Rigorously imagine pursuing each one:
- Sit with each desire. Vividly picture what your days would look like if you committed to it. Notice your emotions and gut reactions.
- Compare how pursuing each desire would feel. Which fills you with more energy, aliveness, peace? Which provokes anxiety or a sense of striving?
- Now imagine being on your deathbed having pursued each path. Which would you regret? Which would you feel satisfied having chosen?
- Finally, ask where each desire is coming from. Is it mostly mimetic, an attempt to keep up with others? Or does it come from a deeper place within you?
The goal is to detach from mimetic pressures and reconnect with your thick desires.
Section: 1, Chapter: 5
Five Motivational Patterns That Shape Our Desire
Based on thousands of Fulfillment Stories, Burgis and his colleagues identified 27 core motivational patterns. Here are 5 of the most common:
- Achieve Potential: Driven to identify and realize your own and others' potential. Always pushing to the next level.
- Compete: Relish head-to-head competition. Derive immense satisfaction from out-performing rivals.
- Comprehend & Express: Seek to deeply understand ideas and experiences, then express your insights creatively.
- Curate: Delight in collecting and arranging information, objects or experiences into meaningful patterns.
- Empower: Fulfilled by empowering people to learn, grow, and do their best. Enjoy teaching and mentoring.
Knowing your core motivational patterns is key to choosing roles and goals that align with your thick desires.
Section: 1, Chapter: 6
Live As If You Have A Responsibility For What Other People Want
We all shape others' desires in three ways:
- Helping them want more
- Helping them want less
- Helping them want differently
Every interaction, no matter how small, imperceptibly influences others' desires. Like a flywheel, we're always nudging people in some direction. This is a great responsibility. Use it intentionally:
- Model gratitude and sufficiency to counter mimetic envy
- Introduce friends to new experiences and sources of fulfillment
- Celebrate others' successes to defuse rivalries
Section: 1, Chapter: 6
The Future Of Desire Will Be Shaped By Mimesis
The things we will want in the future depend on three factors:
- Past desires: Cultural desires are growing more mimetic and unstable, as evidenced by rising political polarization, social media mob dynamics, market volatility, etc.
- Present choices: We face a crisis of desire. Will we scapegoat others or do the hard work of transforming relationships and systems? Will we seek quick fixes or lasting fulfillment?
- Future influences: New social inventions will be needed to channel mimetic desire in healthy directions. Previous ones like ritual scapegoating and economic competition are losing their moderating power. What will replace them?
Section: 1, Chapter: 7
Three Skills For Channeling Transcendent Desire In Your Organization
- Shift gravity: Don't insist on being the model that everyone revolves around. Redirect attention to transcendent goals and ideals. Stand shoulder-to-shoulder with your team, not above them.
- Increase the speed of truth: Make unvarnished truth-telling normal and expected. Reward people who surface hard realities quickly, even if they're inconvenient. Ask: how fast does critical info reach key decision-makers?
- Filter feedback: Don't over-index on pleasing audiences. Stay anchored in your thick desires and values. Pursue the long-term good, not short-term approval. Remember: the customer isn't always right.
Section: 1, Chapter: 7
The Sexbot Makers Are Coming For Your Desires
Some futurists predict humans will be having more sex with robots than each other by 2050. Sexbot manufacturers are already mimicking human courtship and sexual desire in their products. As algorithms get better at predicting and shaping our wants, human agency is at risk.
However, desire can never be fully reduced to data. Thick desires will always exceed AI's grasp. By recognizing the mimetic nature of many fabricated desires, we can resist their creep. We must become the authors of our own desires. This starts with questioning the origin of our wants. Why do we really want what we want? With self-awareness, we can cultivate the thick desires that make us fully human.
Section: 1, Chapter: 8
Could A New Social Technology Save Us From Runaway Mimetic Desire?
History has seen two major social "technologies" that helped control negative mimesis:
- The scapegoat mechanism, which channeled violent rivalries into the sacrifice of a single victim. It temporarily unites communities against a common enemy.
- The market economy, which transforms many rivalries into economic competition. Adversaries fight for market share, not to the death.
As both these systems weaken, a "third invention" may be needed - some new social mechanism to contain mimetic violence. Possibilities include:
- Gamified marketplaces that reward pro-social behavior
- Massive online communities organized by self-transcending values
- A resurgence of ritual and religion in shared physical spaces
Section: 1, Chapter: 8
Become The Author Of Your Own Desires
"Become the author of your own desires by choosing your single greatest desire. We're not guided entirely by instincts like the one that helped the weasel plug into that pulse. But we must make a decision about what it is that is worth sinking our teeth into. ...
Stalk your greatest desire. When you find it, let all of your lesser desires be transformed so that they serve the greatest one. 'Seize it and let it seize you up aloft even,' writes [Annie] Dillard, 'till your eyes burn out and drop; let your musky flesh fall off in shreds, and let your very bones unhinge and scatter, loosened over fields, over fields and woods, lightly, thoughtless, from any height at all, from as high as eagles.'"
Section: 1, Chapter: 8