Snippets about: Confidence
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How To Find The "Sweet Spot" Of Confidence
While overconfidence can make us blind to our weaknesses, underconfidence can be equally detrimental by making us doubt our strengths. The key is to find the "sweet spot" between the two extremes - what Adam Grant calls confident humility. This means having faith in our capability while being open to doubting our current solutions or approaches. We can be confident in our ability to learn and figure things out, even if we're not confident that we have all the right answers yet. Regularly reminding ourselves that we have the capacity to improve, while staying humble enough to question our existing knowledge, can help us avoid the traps of both overconfidence and underconfidence.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
Book: Think Again
Author: Adam Grant
The Courage To Be Normal
Many people, especially children, attempt to gain a sense of belonging and self-worth by trying to be "special" rather than ordinary.
The philosopher asserts: "What Adlerian psychology advocates is not specialness but 'the courage to be normal.' The important thing is 'to not be special'; the courage to be an ordinary person who keeps a safe distance from people.'"
Constantly striving to stand out as superior is a form of overcompensation for a deep inferiority complex. But true self-worth comes from self-acceptance, not self-aggrandizement. Instead of trying to be the best or worst, have the courage to be average. Embrace your normalcy. Find belonging in shared humanity rather than specialness.
Section: 5, Chapter: 51
Book: The Courage to Be Disliked
Author: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Moving From Pain To Power
Jeffers presents a simple model to illustrate the two ways of holding fear: the pain position and the power position.
In the pain position, fear leads to helplessness, depression, and paralysis. In the power position, fear is acknowledged but doesn't prevent us from taking action and growing. The key to handling fear is to shift from a pain position to a power position.
Section: 1, Chapter: 1
Book: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
Author: Susan Jeffers
Persistence: The Sustained Effort Necessary to Induce Faith
Hill defines persistence as the power of will and desire when combined. He states that persistence is an essential factor in transforming desire into its monetary equivalent. Hill provides examples of how persistence led to success for people like Thomas Edison and Henry Ford, despite multiple failures.
Hill outlines four steps to develop persistence:
- Have a definite purpose backed by burning desire.
- Create a definite plan expressed in continuous action.
- Keep a mind closed against all negative influences.
- Maintain a friendly alliance with one or more persons who will encourage you
Section: 1, Chapter: 9
Book: Think and Grow Rich
Author: Napoleon Hill
Self-Acceptance Is Not Self-Affirmation
The philosopher stresses that accepting oneself is not the same as affirming or esteeming oneself. Self-acceptance means acknowledging reality, while self-affirmation means clinging to a positive illusion.
Self-acceptance means facing oneself squarely, acknowledging one's objective limitations alongside one's strengths. Only by grounding in truth can one determine the proper path forward. Sugarcoating reality feels good in the moment but leads one astray in the long run. Accept what is, then orient toward what could be.
Section: , Chapter: 44
Book: The Courage to Be Disliked
Author: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
"To Build Confidence, Go Where You Have None"
"Confident is not the same as comfortable. One of the biggest misconceptions about becoming self-confident is that it means living fearlessly. The key to building confidence is quite the opposite. It means we are willing to let fear be present as we do the things that matter to us.
When we establish some self-confidence in something, it feels good. We want to stay there and hold on to it. But if we only go where we feel confident, then confidence never expands beyond that. If we only do the things we know we can do well, fear of the new and unknown tends to grow. Building confidence inevitably demands that we make friends with vulnerability because it is the only way to be without confidence for a while."
Section: 5, Chapter: 19
Book: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
Author: Julie Smith
Steepling Shows Supreme Confidence
Steepling - touching the tips of spread fingers together like a church steeple - is one of the most powerful high-confidence tells. People will often steeple after making an important point or when feeling self-assured. The height of the hands indicates the degree of confidence:
- Steepling over the head shows supreme confidence bordering on arrogance
- Steepling at chest level indicates a strong sense of self-assurance and authority
- Steepling at waist level, more common for women, demonstrates quiet self-esteem
- Watch for changes in steepling behavior to gauge a person's fluctuating confidence levels.
Section: 1, Chapter: 6
Book: What Every Body is Saying
Author: Joe Navarro
Confidence Comes From Trusting Your Abilities And Value
Self-confidence is faith in your capacity to handle whatever challenges come your way. It's not about everything going smoothly, but trusting you'll be able to manage the inevitable ups and downs. Some key ways to build justified self-confidence:
- Distinguish confidence from ego. Arrogance is off-putting; true confidence is being secure enough to admit your weaknesses.
- Talk to yourself like a good mentor. Remind yourself of challenges you've overcome before to give you courage for new ones.
- Be honest with yourself. Confident people don't hide from harsh realities; they face facts head-on in order to deal with them.
- Focus on being right, not just feeling right. Have the humility to change your mind when you get new information.
Section: 2, Chapter: 4
Book: Clear Thinking
Author: Shane Parrish
The Only Way To Get Rid Of The Fear Of Something Is To Do It
Jeffers shares her story of overcoming her fear of teaching. The first time she taught a class, her heart was pounding, and her knees were shaking. But she kept teaching, and by the sixth session, she was looking forward to it. The interaction with her students became stimulating and challenging. One day, she realized she was no longer afraid. Her fear had turned into sweet anticipation. The "doing it" comes before the fear goes away.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
Book: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
Author: Susan Jeffers
The Key To Confidence Is Capitalizing On Small Wins
Confidence doesn't come from just willing yourself to feel self-assured or getting pep talks from others. Real confidence comes from taking action, especially action that feels a bit beyond your comfort zone. With each small triumph, your belief in your capacity grows. Capitalize on small wins by:
- Keeping a "good things" journal to capture daily progress and accomplishments
- Sharing successes with supportive people who can reflect it back to you
- Lowering the stakes from "transforming your life" to "being a bit braver today than yesterday"
- Accepting that you have to do a lot of things badly before you can do them well
Section: 3, Chapter: 13
Book: The Defining Decade
Author: Meg Jay
The Only Way To Feel Better About Yourself Is To Go Out And Do It
Many people play the "when/then" game, thinking, "When I feel better about myself, then I'll do it." But Jeffers points out that this is backward. The "doing it" must come before the feeling better about yourself. When you make something happen, you not only get rid of the fear, but you also build your self-confidence. Waiting to feel confident before taking action is a losing strategy.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
Book: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
Author: Susan Jeffers
Unconditional Confidence Is The Basis Of Deep Relationships
To build deep interpersonal relationships, the philosopher asserts we must ground them in unconditional confidence, not conditional trust. Trust is transactional - I trust you if you meet certain criteria. But confidence is a choice to believe in the other regardless of "proof."
By choosing to have faith in the other, even knowing you may sometimes be let down, you create the basis for genuine intimacy. Always holding back unless the other "earns" your trust first limits the depth of connection. Give trust freely, and address issues as they arise. Don't make it contingent on never being disappointed.
Section: 3, Chapter: 31
Book: The Courage to Be Disliked
Author: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
