What Every Body is Saying Book Summary

To accurately interpret nonverbal cues, always consider the context in which they occur. The same behavior can mean different things in different situations. For example:

• Crossed arms might indicate discomfort and defensiveness during a tense negotiation, but may simply show a relaxed posture while casually conversing with a friend.
• Lip compression can reveal stress or disapproval when discussing an unpleasant topic, but might just result from concentration while solving a challenging problem. Evaluating cues in light of the circumstances and looking for sudden changes in behavior will enable you to decipher their true meaning. Don't jump to conclusions based on a single tell.

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To detect meaningful changes in a person's body language, first establish their normal behavioral patterns - their baseline. Observe how they typically use their hands, hold their body, react to stress, etc. Then watch for deviations from this baseline as your interaction unfolds.

For instance, if someone is generally still but suddenly starts fidgeting and tapping their foot after you ask them a question, this abrupt change indicates the topic makes them uncomfortable and bears further exploration. Without having gauged their usual mannerisms, you may miss or misinterpret such telling behavioral shifts. Strive to identify a person's baseline behaviors early in your encounters.

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People typically pacify after being asked a troubling question or hearing information they dislike. Pacifying behaviors often indicate a person feels threatened because:

• They are lying and fear getting caught
• They have done something wrong and feel guilty
• The topic elicits unpleasant thoughts or memories

While normal nervousness also prompts pacification, if you see sudden pacifying directly after someone answers a question, you need to dig deeper. But use caution - while pacification suggests uneasiness, it doesn't automatically mean dishonesty.

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In moments of tension or disagreement, people will often splay their legs wide apart and firmly plant their feet to establish a dominant, authoritative stance. This "territorial display" communicates they feel challenged and intend to stand their ground.

When arguing with someone, look for this aggressive leg posture. You may need to back off or change your approach to avoid escalating the conflict. In any case, recognize the splay reveals the depth of the person's anger and conviction.

Use this tell to gauge their emotions accurately. If you're the one guilty of leg splaying, be aware it may alienate people. Adopt a more neutral posture to keep tensions from rising.

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If a person's torso and feet orient away from you while talking, they likely feel disinterested or want to leave the conversation. Even if their face remains friendly, this "torso shielding" indicates psychological disengagement. Other distancing cues include:

• Crossing arms tightly
• Holding objects in front of chest
• Twisting torso to angle body away
• Placing barriers like a purse or pillow on lap

When you notice someone progressively shutting you out with their body language, gracefully end the interaction before they tune out completely. And if you catch yourself torso shielding, consider what's causing your discomfort and how you can reengage.

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When talking with others, pay attention to their arm positions. Arms that hang loose at the sides show openness and comfort, while crossed or tense arms signal defensiveness. To encourage a positive interaction:

• Keep your own arms relaxed and visible, not crossed
• Angle your torso towards the other person with arms slightly away from your body
• Use open-palm gestures when speaking
• If sitting, rest your arms on the armrests or table, not your lap

This "open arm" posture demonstrates friendliness, confidence, and sincerity. It reassures others you have nothing to hide. Closed-off arm positions, in contrast, convey insecurity or secrecy. Use the "open arm test" to gauge the other person's comfort level - and your own.

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Steepling - touching the tips of spread fingers together like a church steeple - is one of the most powerful high-confidence tells. People will often steeple after making an important point or when feeling self-assured. The height of the hands indicates the degree of confidence:

• Steepling over the head shows supreme confidence bordering on arrogance
• Steepling at chest level indicates a strong sense of self-assurance and authority
• Steepling at waist level, more common for women, demonstrates quiet self-esteem
• Watch for changes in steepling behavior to gauge a person's fluctuating confidence levels.

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Our hands reflect our inner state by automatically moving in sync with our thoughts and feelings. When words and gestures align, it shows congruence and authenticity. But when the hands contradict the message, it signals dissonance and possible dishonesty.

If someone makes a bold claim like "I'm certain about this" while wringing their hands or fidgeting, their words and body language don't match. This hand-mind disparity reveals doubt, no matter how much bravado they project verbally. Before accepting such statements at face value, probe further to uncover the source of their inconsistency. If your own hands undercut your point, acknowledge the disconnect to restore credibility.

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We all know a bright smile and twinkling eyes indicate happiness. But what do negative facial cues look like? Watch for:

• Tightened jaw muscles: A clenched jaw signals stress, anger or disapproval. Often the lips will also compress or purse.
• Eyebrow furrowing: When the brows lower and draw together, it shows concern, confusion or concentration. The more intense the furrowing, the stronger the emotion.
• Squinting: Narrowed eyes indicate suspicion, doubt or dislike. We instinctively squint at things that bother us.
• If you observe these facial tells repeatedly in an interaction, explore what's causing the person's distress. Don't ignore the warning signs etched in their features.

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Rather than becoming a walking polygraph, focus on creating an environment conducive to honest communication. When people feel at ease, they're more likely to open up and reveal critical information - even if it's unflattering or incriminating. To encourage truthfulness:

• Make the person feel heard and respected
• Ask open-ended questions that invite explanation
• Avoid accusations or interrogation tactics that put them on the defensive
• Mirror their positive body language to build "liking"
• Paraphrase their statements to show you're listening

Give them space to clarify or correct your understanding The more comfortable a person feels with you, the less they'll feel the need to deceive or omit. Building rapport is the surest way to reach the truth, even if it takes time.

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