Based on research and experience, Perkins believes the optimal age to receive an inheritance is 26-35. This timing provides:

• Maturity and financial wisdom (lacking in 18-25 year olds)
• Ample runway to benefit from compounding returns
• Ability to make pivotal investments (education, home, business)
• Freedom to pursue riskier, high-upside paths
• Active lifestyle to enjoy memorable experiences

So if you want to maximize the positive impact of your giving, consider timing it to your children's graduating years - mid 20s to mid 30s. This will likely require decumulating earlier than traditional retirement age.

Section: 1, Chapter: 5

Author: Bill Perkins

• Develop a regular sleep schedule and bedtime routine to entrain the child's circadian rhythm
• Ensure a cool, dark sleep environment to promote melatonin release
• Avoid screen time (TV, tablets, phones) in the hour before bed - the blue light suppresses melatonin
• Don't feed babies immediately before putting them down to sleep - they will start to associate feeding with falling asleep
• Avoid late naps that make it hard for the child to fall asleep at night

Section: 1, Chapter: 5

Author: Matthew Walker

Imagine the parent of a toddler learning to walk, hovering inches away and catching her before every stumble, constantly asking "Are you hurt? Frustrated? Tired? Scared?" The child would become so preoccupied with analyzing her own reactions, she'd never build strength and confidence.

We've become those parents, micromanaging teens' every emotional wobble. But confidence and resilience aren't gifts parents can bestow through validation - they're the byproducts of weathering life's challenges with a secure base of love and faith in your back pocket.

Section: 3, Chapter: 12

Author: Abigail Shrier

• Praise the process (effort, strategies, persistence) rather than ability. Say things like "I'm proud of how hard you studied for that test" rather than "You're so smart!"
• Treat failure as an opportunity to learn and improve. Ask "What did you try? What could you try next?" rather than reassuring children that the task was impossibly difficult.
• Emphasize that brains and talent are just the starting point. Teach children that dedication and resilience are the keys to success in the long run.
• Explicitly teach children about brain plasticity and the growth mindset. Have them think about areas where they once struggled but now excel due to effort.
• When children succeed, express pride not in their abilities but in their commitment to learning and improving.

Section: 1, Chapter: 7

Author: Carol Dweck

Many parents, in an effort to alleviate their teens' distress, are quick to seek medication for the normal mood swings of adolescence. But psychologist Scott Monroe cautions there are serious drawbacks to this:

"If you give [adolescents] medication for anxiety - and I would say, you could extend it to depression - if you palliate those symptoms, you are messing with the natural adaptive resources of the human being that has evolved over centuries. I'm not a biologist - I don't know how badly it can impair brain development. But it seems like those are prime years. I'd want to find alternatives before implementing that."

Experiencing difficult emotions like heartbreak, disappointment, anxiety and sadness - and learning to cope with them - is part of how teens build resilience.

Section: 2, Chapter: 10

Author: Abigail Shrier

Social media creates "collective action problems" that leave kids and parents feeling helpless:

• Getting a smartphone/social media later makes you feel left out
• Letting kids roam unsupervised makes you a "bad parent"
• Age restrictions only work if all companies enforce them strictly

The solution is coordinated behavior change. If families, schools, and policymakers act in concert to delay/limit phones and encourage independence, resistance gets easier. Groups like Wait Until 8th (smartphones) and Let Grow (free-range parenting) provide strength in numbers.

Section: 4, Chapter: 9

Author: Jonathan Haidt

Across SEL curricula, a troubling theme emerges: encouraging students to question their parents' judgment and cast them as obstacles to their well-being. Lesson plans often present conflicts with parents (on issues like screen time or clothing choices) and invite classmates to weigh in on whether the parent or child is being more reasonable. Students are asked to evaluate their parents on metrics like emotional supportiveness and time spent together.

Some programs go further, explicitly coaching students to monitor their home lives and report back concerns to teachers. The implication is that school staff are the real experts on a child's best interests, and parental authority is something to be challenged.

Section: 2, Chapter: 4

Author: Abigail Shrier

In our secular modern society, teenagers often lack structured rites of passage and access to self-transcendent experiences. Parents and educators could help meet this need by:

• Exposing teens to awe-inspiring art, music and nature
• Encouraging service activities that induce a sense of elevation and connection
• Providing physically and mentally challenging rites of passage (e.g. wilderness trips)
• Allowing semi-structured spiritual explorations and discussions

The goal is to give teens opportunities to experience self-transcendence and develop their own sense of meaning and sacred purpose. Experiencing ego-loss and deep connection can provide an enduring sense of perspective throughout life.

Section: 1, Chapter: 9

Author: Jonathan Haidt

Consider adopting the "Hard Thing Rule" in your family. It has three parts:

1. Everyone has to do a hard thing (something that requires deliberate practice),
2. You can quit, but not until a natural stopping point,
3. You get to pick your hard thing.

The Rule encourages kids to develop interests and stick with them, to learn from challenges, and to practice self-discipline. It makes gritty habits a normal, expected part of growing up.

As kids get older, consider extending the Hard Thing Rule commitment period to two years at a time. This builds the skill of consistency and teaches that progress can be slow before it compounds. Keep the focus on supporting hard work and growth.

Section: 3, Chapter: 11

Author: Angela Duckworth

Many trauma-informed educators argue the primary way to help struggling students is by empathizing with their pain. But this is often counterproductive:

• Encouraging kids to see themselves as victims risks a self-fulfilling prophecy. Resilience, not fragility, should be the message.
• Focusing on validating kids' feelings of anger and hurt can inadvertently reinforce and prolong them. Pivoting to problem-solving builds more constructive habits.
• Lowering academic expectations robs disadvantaged kids of a path out of difficulty. Belief in their potential and insistence they develop their abilities maximizes possibilities.

Kids' hardships merit compassion, but pity is less productive than challenging them to transcend circumstances.

Section: 2, Chapter: 6

Author: Abigail Shrier

Levitt, an economist and father of four, applies economic principles to parenting. His key insights:

• Children are expensive, so have them only if the benefits outweigh the costs
• Think on the margin - don't fret over any one decision, focus on cumulative impact
• Incentives matter - use carrots and sticks to encourage good behavior
• Comparative advantage - specialize in what you're best at vs. your spouse
• Economies of scale - the marginal cost and effort of extra children is lower

More controversially, Levitt argues parents often overestimate their own impact relative to chance and genetics. He cites twin and adoption studies suggesting parenting style has limited impact on long-term outcomes. Levitt speculates many parents would be happier and equally effective if they stressed less over parenting choices.

Section: 1, Chapter: 3

Author: Steven D. Levitt , Stephen J. Dubner

Progressive parenting gurus have long argued that disciplining children damages them. The implication is that setting firm limits will spawn a sociopath, so parents should just pleasantly reason with kids instead.

But child psychologist Diana Baumrind found the opposite in her seminal studies on parenting styles. Children raised with clear rules and consequences, in the context of a warm relationship, had the best outcomes. Those whose parents avoided all punishment had more behavior issues.

Baumrind called the permissive approach a "misguided attempt to express love," with the "unintended effect of retarding the development of a child conscious and increasing the likelihood of his becoming a spoiled brat."

Section: 2, Chapter: 9

Author: Abigail Shrier

Children absorb gender roles from a very young age. If they only see Mom doing laundry and Dad mowing the lawn, or only male leaders at work and female assistants, they internalize that as normal. Be intentional about modeling egalitarian norms for the next generation:

• Let your kids see Dad doing dishes and Mom taking out the garbage
• Tell your daughters stories of female leaders and heroes
• Question gender stereotypes in toy/clothes marketing or media portrayals of moms and dads
• Vocally support male colleagues who prioritize family ("I think it's great Bob leaves early on Wednesdays to coach his daughter's soccer team")

The small moments add up to shape what the next generation sees as possible and expected for both genders.

Section: 1, Chapter: 11

Author: Sheryl Sandberg

The mindsets of children are profoundly influenced by the way their parents and teachers talk to them and treat them. Even subtle word choices and actions can send the message that traits are fixed or that growth is possible and expected.

• Praising children's talent or intelligence conveys a fixed mindset, while praising their efforts, strategies, and progress cultivates a growth mindset.
• Focusing on outcomes (like grades or winning) fosters a fixed mindset, while emphasizing learning and improvement promotes a growth mindset.
• Comforting children by saying a task was extremely difficult implicitly tells them they lack ability, while linking failure to lack of effort or poor strategy preserves their confidence in their potential.

Section: 1, Chapter: 7

Author: Carol Dweck

Many mothers feel intense pressure to follow society's unrealistic ideal of the perfect, selfless mom. But trying to meet this standard is exhausting and self-defeating. Let go of the guilt about not spending enough time with your kids or keeping an immaculate home. Kids don't need the "perfect mother" - they need a happy, fulfilled one. Letting your partner fully parent allows you to thrive in other areas of life without feeling inadequate. And seeing you as a multi-dimensional person is healthy for your children's development too.

Section: 1, Chapter: 8

Author: Sheryl Sandberg

In an era of ubiquitous "expert" parenting advice, it's easy to forget a basic truth: parents, not psychologists or teachers, bear ultimate responsibility for their children. Moms and dads shouldn't be afraid to push back against well-meaning but misguided intrusions from professionals, especially when it comes to mental health overreach.

The author recalls how her own grandmother shut down an art teacher who suggested her dreamy son might have a psychiatric issue: "I pay you to teach him art, not to psychoanalyze my son." Kids are often better served by parents who trust their own judgment and authority over that of a revolving door of experts. Guardians may not have PhDs, but they have the deepest possible stake in their child's welfare. Outsourcing this sacred duty to therapists and educators can erode the parent-child bond.

Section: 3, Chapter: 11

Author: Abigail Shrier

• Reflect on your own passion and perseverance. Kids are always watching and imitating their parents' behavior, often subconsciously. If you want to cultivate grit in your child, start by embodying it yourself.
• Wise parents don't just tell their kids to work hard - they show them how. They model commitment to their own interests and live out the idea that excellence requires effort. Being a gritty role model is the foundation for parenting gritty kids.
• Intentionally narrate your gritty behaviors so your child notices them. Talk about how you handle setbacks, what your bigger-picture purpose is, and how you've maintained interests over time. Make your inner grit visible.

Section: 3, Chapter: 10

Author: Angela Duckworth

Chapter 6 explores the fascinating data around children's names and life outcomes. Some key findings:

• There is a strong socioeconomic pattern to name choices. "Loser" names like Amber, Heather or Travis are more common among low-education families, while high-education families prefer names like Alexandra, Benjamin, or Samuel.
• But the data shows no causal link between names and life outcomes. A baby named Amber doesn't have a worse life because of her name; rather, she was more likely born to low-education parents.
• While names don't seem to affect scores or grades, there is some evidence of name discrimination in the job market, with "white" names getting more callbacks than "black" names on identical resumes.

"Trendy" names favored by high-education parents today like Ava, Liam or Ezra may sound dated or lower-class in 20 years. Names are constantly evolving status markers.

Section: 1, Chapter: 6

Author: Steven D. Levitt, Stephen J. Dubner